A friend of mine shared with me a video on Facebook, basically mentioning that it helped a person to achieve his/her goals through the process of journaling. And I realized how much I missed writing down my thoughts... And keeping it all in my head isn’t really going to help me. The question is not what is your goal, more of how to achieve your goal? I haven’t really thought out on what’s next, honestly.
When I was still in my previous job I was really at a unhappy point in my job and needed the courage to leave my job. It’s okay to be jobless, I thought to myself. I could always pursue my sort of dream to become a barista. One of my ex colleagues even asked me, do I like the idea of being in a cafe, or actually working in one? I wanted to try out working in one. But honestly it will not cover my monthly expenses and it cannot be a long term thing, unless someday I would want to start something on my own.
In fact, I applied for one of the more reputable cafes near my house, the owner was a popular roaster in Malaysia. The interview was really funny, language doesn’t matter. I thought I screwed up when the manager’s first question was “华语可以吗?” I replied very honestly, 我的华语有一点cacat ,但是还可以讲和听 and proceeded to explain to her I won’t feel awkward as most of my friends in college speak Mandarin to me. I got the job. But I didn’t have the balls to tell my mom. Dad was cool with it, just mom.
A lot of people would probably say no guts. Still living in my mom’s shadow. But if you walked the pathway I walked, you would probably understand why I made this decision. Growing up, I always thought that my parents/family don’t love me enough. My sister was the rebellious child, and probably why mom always have a tighter control on me. I didn’t understand why she was being such a control freak over everything when it comes to going clubbing during college days, or letting me stay over along with the rest of the bunch. Occasionally, when there were disagreements, there were silent treatments of a few months long. Believe me, those months were hell to me, not talking to my mom. Getting treated as if I was invisible. It was a horrible feeling. But I do believe my relationship with my parents have improved over the years, especially after I shared more about my life to them, and spent more time with them. Getting into another huge disagreement is simply not worth it. And on the week before I started the job, mom was in such a good mood and I didn’t want to ruin it, she even gave me extra money to go to Singapore for holiday. So I turned down the job offer.
Or maybe I simply didn’t want it enough.
Actually. I do. So much. But yeah what has happened has happened. I still have not grown the courage to visit this cafe again. Before I asked for the job, I usually frequent this place for the cats and the iced mocha.
Now what?
I honestly have no idea.
The idea of finding another office job right now is simply terrifying. And from this thought, comes the realisation of how very very burnt out I was from my previous job, being an overworked machine, stretched to the maximum capacity.
Meh. That’s all when it comes to the career related aspect of my life currently.
No comments:
Post a Comment